Wednesday, December 22, 2010

TOTAL hormonal meltdown last night....

My poor husband.

He is a great husband and provider but he doesn't really get the point of buying birthday cakes and I sometimes feel like I have to prod him a bit to remember my birthday. Or that my birthday gift is NOT something you can tack onto one of my Christmas gifts. As in here ya go honey. This can be your Christmas AND birthday present even though it's wrapped in Christmas paper. Or if I'm going to buy something he'll want to just give me money for it. Which is nice. VERY NICE. But it's the lazy way out of having to think about what to buy me. I make an effort for his birthday and his son's I don't think it's asking too much that they make some effort to remember mine.

Several months ago we went in with a couple of families on getting a beef processed. I'm a farm girl and this is exciting stuff. I love being able to just go to the freezer and pull out steaks, burgers etc.

After the wreck we talked about just skipping Christmas for each other since we were going to have the expense of the freezer and beef at the same time. Just get stuff for the SS.

I've felt really bad about everything lately,the wreck, getting another car, the "impending doom", etc. Fast forward to earlier this month the beef was going to be processed right at Christmas time so we would have that expense PLUS we would have to buy a freezer to store it all in.
OK so...we are up to
beef (grass fed, grass finished)
freezer to keep beef in
wrecked car
Dr's bills
womb of doom
Christmas for the stepson
oh and I almost forgot buying a new used car and the bill from the mechanic to fix a few minor things like the timing belt and brakes that really needed to be done before I drove it much.

I am trying to be a real grown up and not make a fuss about my birthday. It's not like I really need much and I try really hard not to be high maintenance but he kept talking about giving me that damn beef for my birthday.

It really didn't help that I was having a crappy hormonal day yesterday as well.

The nightmare boss was picking on me. Guess it was my turn, who knows she is nuts.

Then I made the mistake of going to Target after was filled with too many people not shopping but standing in the middle of the isle BLOCKING the entire isle while they just stood there chatting. Seriously people? grrr.... Preggos and new babies seemed to be around every corner as well. All the while I was starting to unravel just a little bit more.

By the time I got home I was in a crap mood.

I thought about just going and taking a long hot shower but that would have required effort I just didn't have. The tears kept trying to pop up but I was able to fight them back. So I grabbed a beer and joined Dave on our love seat. He kept asking if I was OK, what was wrong blah blah blah. I told him I was as good as could be expected. He mentioned the beef was coming in tomorrow (my birthday) I LOST IT. I just started sobbing. All I could get out is that it had been a really bad month and I KNOW I said it would be OK but getting that for my birthday really wasn't OK.

He started laughing saying he had been kidding but it just made me cry harder. Then he kept asking me what I wanted for my birthday which only made things worse because I'm thinking it's the night before my birthday and he has nothing.

I'm feeling a little better today but damn I hope he at least made the effort to buy me a cake.


Rebecca said...

I'm so sorry. Huge ((((hugs)))) to you. You have so much going on right now, it's a lot to handle. I hope he surprises you (in a good way).

Happy Birthday!

Silver said...

I've come over from "Which Way to Baby" to offer some support. I'm so sorry you're dealing with a loss and all the other stuff AND round Christmas and your birthday - it's just miserable. I have been through RPL (6 losses) and am finally 38 weeks pregnant with donor eggs - turned out egg quality was my issue. If you ever wanted to chat donor eggs, I'd be happy to give my tuppence-worth.

justine said...

I hope your husband surprises you, too ... otherwise I will have to find you and send you the biggest mail order layer cake I can get my hands on. I'd bake it myself if I lived within 50 miles of you. *hugs*

Pookey and Me,,, said...

This I hate...

too many people not shopping but standing in the middle of the isle BLOCKING the entire isle while they just stood there chatting

Seriously people! Christmas comes on the 25th of EVERY YeAR!

I'm sorry your birthday and that you're dealing with a loss. That really stinks.

Hugs to you as you get through this!

Another Dreamer said...

(*hugs*) You've got a lot on your plate.