Thursday, October 29, 2009


Well the nurse just confirmed it. My blood test came back at 38,184. It should be well over 100K by now so she is going to schedule the D&E for the 9th or 10th. I could do it next Friday but Dave has to be at his office all day and can't get out of it.
Maybe I'll m/c on my own this weekend. DAMN. I should have had her call in some pain killers just in case. DAMN. I really really am not looking forward to either option. DAMN.

Can I go home yet?

I'm totally worthless at work today. I had to let my boss know so I could request a block of time off since I don't know if I'll miscarry on my own or need medical intervention. God forbid I not have the day I need off REQUESTED off. Fucking Bitch. She proceeded to tell me maybe I should look at alternative options. Why is it that people feel the need to tell you that? I've had 3 people tell me that in the last day. Let me make myself CLEAR PEOPLE! I DO NOT WANT TO ADOPT. I spent 20 freakin years raising everyone elses children I WANT to raise MINE now.
I was doing so blog surfing of others that have been there and ran across this from Searching for Zanity

I didn't want to adopt. I'm not judging other people's choices. I've never had any doubt that I could love an adopted child. And maybe if we had made the decision to adopt earlier, we would be parents now. I just no longer have the emotional reserves to embark on adoption, a whole 'nother roller coaster.

It's just that I wanted it all. I wanted a genetic connection to my mother. I wanted to wonder if the baby would have my nose (I hope not!) or my sense of humor (now you're talking). Now I'm supposed to come to the realization that I want to be a mother, not just pregnant with my egg and my husband's sperm, more than anything. That once the baby arrives how it got here won't matter.

Intellectually getting there is a whole lot easier than getting my heart there.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Well, I'm sad to say we didn't find a heartbeat. It did look like it had grown since the last visit but there wasn't a heartbeat. She said we could check in a few days just to make sure and we are doing another blood test to see if the numbers are falling (as I expect they are).

Second sono today....

Keep your fingers crossed everything is going good and we see a really strong heartbeat.

Monday, October 26, 2009


I have the crud.
I really want to take a large dose of NyQuil and sleep but I can't. I think that is going to be my least favorite thing about being pregnant...not being able to take much when you are sick.
So I'm watching my temp (staying around 98 and 99), taking tylenol and Robitussin from the "approved" list every 4 or 5 hours and trying to drink lots of fluids. Poor Dave. I'm sure I kept him awake with my tossing, turning and trying to breath all night long. I was going to go to work but he convinced me to stay home and rest. I'm glad he did.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

latest test results

I finally got the nurse to call me back...she's either getting friendlier or I'm getting used to her NY ways.
The cramping was caused by dehydration. I haven't been drinking enough plain ol' water. So after drinking 3 glasses of water in a couple of hours the cramps went away completely! yay! Who knew WATER was so important. Well I should have but I wasn't paying attention. Large 44 oz diet cokes aren't a good substitute. I'm trying to kick my Sonic drive thru habit and only allow myself 1 can of diet coke a day.
Dave found some alcohol free wine at the grocery store this week. It tastes like tangy grape juice but it looks "right' in my glass so I feel like I'm having a glass of wine with dinner. My doctor says I can have an occasional glass of wine or A beer but I'm trying to keep that for special occasions only. Especially in the beginning.
I'm surprised I'm not in a complete coma by 8 pm these days but I've been able to make it until 9:30 before I HAVE to lie down. That is nice. It gives me some time to hang with my husband after the teenager goes to sleep.
Oh ok so the latest tests showed that I've got my thyroid under control. Which is probably why I'm able to stay awake until 9:30. It is down to .08 (I was close to 4.5 this time last year) and she may bump my dose a little higher to get the T4 where it needs to be. She wants my level to be just shy of hyperthyroid. I'm so glad I have a doctor that not only listened to me when I was having issues with my thyroid the last time we were pregnant and let me base my dosing on how I felt instead of a lab report. It turned out to be too little too late but she had gone on to do more research over the last year with I'm hoping will help this pregnancy be successful.
The beta test came back at 16,821 which is great! I'm right where I should be and the baby is doubling in size every 51 hrs. Isn't technology great!?!?!?!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

First Dr's appt

I was terrified. We lost one last year at 8 weeks so I managed to get myself worked up pretty good while I was sitting in the waiting room. Then I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest as I was laying there on the table as he was doing oh so fun internal sono.
The baby measured in at 5w5d which is a few days later than we thought it would be but there was an oh so faint flicker of a heartbeat which was a relief to see. I go back next Friday for a second sono.
They did the usual blood tests and then just because I'm so concerned she is doing another beta to see if the numbers are climbing like they should.
I've had cramps this morning but it's probably nothing. I hope.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Lookin good!

I finally got "stupid nurse" to call me back with my test results this morning. (she was supposed to call yesterday) I really do not like this new nurse my doctor has.
my progesterone levels were at 20.6 on Monday and they are still looking good at 20.2 and the beta was 552 on Monday and now it's at 1025! Yay! It's going in the right direction! (over 5 means you are pregnant and then your second test should be double the first one)
I've had some new symptoms....the funniest was having to make Dave wash his face because his facial hair smelled like old cardboard boxes. He was quite the sport. Especially after I told him that I had to wash my hair the other day when I got home because my hair stunk.

And miricle of all miracles! The SS came home with his 6 week report card and it had REALLY GOOD GRADES ON IT! Mostly B's and C's but last year he was bringing home mostly F's so this is A HUGE IMPROVEMENT! He even said he wasn't even trying that hard and that he can do better than that! WoW! I'm so proud of him! He's starting to make real progress this year.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


We are pregnant! I was really surprised because I didn't have a single symptom that I thought I would. I tossed and turned with a RAGING backache all Sunday morning so I got up about 6 to put all of Dave's birthday presents out and decorated my blackboard door in the kitchen with a birthday sign (it turned out really cute!)

Then I got to counting and realized I was a few days late...hmmm.... So I thought I would go ahead and test even though I KNEW it would be negative. A few minutes later I was just staring at two little pink lines.

I had a funny card for Dave's 50th and a more sentimental one so I put the stick in the sentimental card and signed it from "The Youngest Yocum". When he FINALLY got up we had a little breakfast, he opened presents and then when he went to go take a shower I pulled him aside and told him I had one more thing for him. I sat him down on the bed and he opened his card. He said, Oh! You're pregnant!?!?!? There was mushy huggin and stuff that I won't bore you with but needless to say he thought that was a pretty cool birthday present.

We still have lots of hurdles to get past but I'm loving every bloated feeling, backache and smell that bothers me. It looks like we are at 4 weeks 6 days so I've got 7 weeks to hold my breath and cross my fingers.