Thursday, November 26, 2009

It's a VERY Happy Thanksgiving!

I wasn't sure yesterday I just had a wave of m/s about 4 am but it was enough to get my attention and make a trip to the store. I had another touch of m/s again this morning about the same time (4 am is going to be my favorite time of day I guess) so I tested. YAY! HAPPY FREAKIN THANKSGIVING TO US!!!! WE HAVE 2 LINES! At 9 days past ovulation. HOT DAMN! It's still pretty faint but it's definately there. The m/s is a new thing for me, ESPECIALLY this early. I didn't have much with the others. Now if this one actually makes it any further than the others remains to be seen but I can't help but be a little excited! I'm not going to hold my breath for the next 8 months and I'm sure the past losses will give me minor freakouts in the coming weeks but I'm so excited. I'm going to be grateful and thankful for every minute I get to spend with this little one.

We have so much to be thankful for. The boy is doing so much better than he was 6 long months ago. He regularly gives me hugs and says "I love you". Awww... The challenges of the past year I think has made Dave and I so much stronger. Man we've been through some crap! Fortunately when stuff comes up we do a really good job of talking about it and turning towards each other for support.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Third time's the charm?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The doctor's visit...

I went for my follow up appointment yesterday and was stuck in a room full (literally full) of only VERY pregnant women. Well there was one man but he was with one of the Smug Bitches so he doesn’t count. UGH! And then NY nurse was surprised that my blood pressure was high. I wonder what could have caused that.
Test results came back fine. Damn, absolutely no useful information whatsoever. They couldn’t even tell if it was a boy or girl. All my dreams were of a baby boy, so I’m going to go with my dreams since they were on the money last time and think of it as a boy.
Dr W asked what I wanted to do now. Hell, I don’t know what tests are available so I told her to run anything she could think might be the problem. So we are going to test clotting factors and a bunch of other stuff with mile long names. We probably won’t learn anything from them either but at least I feel like I’m making an effort.
The poor lady that was doing my labs had to research what she needed so as I was waiting outside the labroom the most annoying of the Smug Bitches was brought over for her blood tests too. You know the kind that has to call everyone she knows and share all the information from her appointment immediately and LOUDLY so everyone hears. Yeah, that helped. So by the time they were ready to do my labs I was already welling up and before she even stuck me I was practically sobbing. DAMN. I thought the lab tech was going to start crying too the poor thing. She was in there alone so she couldn’t wrangle the needle the tubes and reach the tissues so I’m sitting there bawling, she’s sniffing and the smug bitch finally shut the hell up.
After I left that appointment I had to rush home and get the SS for our next appointment. The minute I got home Robby was giving me grief about the mp3 player not having his music on it. I had tried to download it the night before and while it looked like it was downloading one of the cd’s it actually downloaded all of my (country) music. Not exactly his (Five Finger Death Punch)taste. I kinda snapped at him when he got a little demanding. Not bad but it made me feel bad. As we were driving to the chiropractors I apologized and told him I wasn’t feeling well and that I shouldn’t have snapped at him. Then we argued as to whether or not I had snapped at him. He said I hadn’t, I said I had, he said I hadn’t…you get the idea. So by the time we got to that dr’s office I was in tears again which freaked those ladies out.
Jeez. It just wasn’t a good night.

Dear Dr.'s Office

I know you are moving to a new location soon and I have a very simple request.

Could you PLEASE have a waiting room for the obviously pregnant and one for those of us that can't be in the same room as them?

Yesterday I had to sit in your waiting room for almost 2 HOURS because you were running behind. I get it, things happen and that doesn't really bother me too much since you have chairs that are actually comfortable and I managed to find a few magazines that don't have babies plastered all over them.

However, sitting in THAT room for THAT long was TORTURE. I can't even believe your nurse was surprised that my blood pressure was through the roof. DUH! I don't think I'm asking for much and I know there are other women who would appreciate it as well. Hell I wouldn't even care if it was a closet that I had to sit in by the dark. As long as I didn't have to watch those smug bitches.



Tuesday, November 10, 2009


I was feeling pretty crummy last night when I got home but I thought it was because it was my first day back to work. But then last night the cramps were bad enough that I could barely sleep. This morning it's worse. Cramping with a sharp pain. The Dr's office doesn't start answering the phone until 9 so I'm trying to stay calm. I've had 2 painkillers since 5:30 and that helped some but I'm afraid I may have an infection.

Friday, November 6, 2009

The hospital visit....

Everyone that is working on your "case" has to ask you what you are there for so I had to tell literally 10 different people I was there for a d&c. Eight of these were women and I was kind of surprised that all but 1 had suffered more than 1 m/c. One turned to adoption and the rest went on to have more than 1 successful pregnancy.
My favorite Nurse, Dot, from Dr W's office came and hung out with me before surgery. I need to get her a nice card and gift for being so great. It really helped having her there. Dave would have been stressing over work since they are shorthanded and working on a big project so I told him to go to work then try to get away early to pick me up. It just seemed silly to make him sit around while I'm asleep when he really needed to be at work. I'm so used to doing things alone it wasn't a big deal to me. And just like most men he's not so comfortable dealing with "female stuff".
I had more cramping/pain on one side after the surgery so I was really grateful for those pain meds. But just like lasts time by the time I got home the bleeding was almost non existent. That really helps me mentally.
Since I had to wait a little while for Dave to get there they put me in recovery 3 which is where they put patients that are waiting on a room. I must say I recommend this if you can request it DO. The nurses were nicer than the outpaient recovery nurses I had last year. I had a comfortable bed that adjusted itself every time I moved. I had a TV which we all were glued to because of the shooting at Ft Hood and my nurse Fran made sure I had warm blankets, snacks and something to drink handy at all times.
Mentally I'm doing much better than I thought I would. I think it helped waiting a few days. It gave both of us a little time to process it. The night before surgery Dave spent a long time laying with his head on my chest and his hand on my belly saying goodbye to the little one. It was pretty heartbreaking but I think it helped me more than anything he could have said.
With our first loss it took me a really long time to get over it. Now I feel ready to move on and try again really soon. Maybe third time is the charm.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I had a dream last night

That I was at the Dr's office for another u/s. But this time the baby did have a heartbeat. Not only did it have a heartbeat but there was another one a couple of weeks younger (the dr said) that had a heartbeat.
I fell back against the wall and as I was sliding to the floor in a heap and said Oh my god! The doctor said, "well, what do you want to do". I looked at her and said "well, I want to keep it OF COURSE". And then I woke up. I really hate dreaming right now. It makes me second guess what I know.

One more day

After yesterday's incident I was just DONE with this waiting. I called the Dr's office and asked if they could move my appointment up to Thursday. (The NY nurse later said I could hear in your voice that we needed to get this taken care of.) So they had me come in for one more u/s just to confirm that there wasn't a heartbeat. There wasn't but it was oddly comforting in a way to see it again.
After my appointment, and more tears, and more hugs from my Dr and the nurses (they are so sweet)they sent me over to the hospital to do my preregistration. That was 2 more hours of waiting, and being proded and poked. Fun.
So I will go in tomorrow morning at 10 and have surgery at 12.
Dave can't get away from work so I'll be going alone. Not that it really matters. He would just be sitting around twiddling his thumbs. He doesn't do that waiting thing very well and it doesn't help that he's shorthanded at work. He would just sit there and worry and stress about work which would just make me stress even more than I already am. He'll get there as soon as he can which should be about the time we are wrapping things up.
Fingers crossed we'll start trying again in 2 weeks. Dr said we don't have to wait and it may actually help to start trying immediately.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


One of the very few people that knew about the pregnancy greeted me with a "goodmorning mama" today. All I could do was shake my head and burst into tears.


And now I can't get the waterworks to stop.


And my body STILL doesn't get that it needs to miscarry.