Friday, September 24, 2010

The reason I didn't try to have children until now....

I grew up in a house where the mother screamed at us every day from the minutes SHE woke up until the minute SHE went to bed.
I spent most of my childhood running away from home to whatever safe haven I could find. Mostly it was riding my rusty little old bike to our nearest neighbor's house where I would pester poor Florence all afternoon until she got the phone call to send me home for supper. That woman was a saint and must have known how horrible it was at home for me.
I ran across a video today that gave me chills it was so much like my childhood....well...except for the obnoxious teenager that was egging his mother on. Most of the time we just tried to avoid that woman period. Listen to it....that is the kind of reaction we got when we didn't load the dishwasher correctly, when the laundry wasn't folded perfectly. Hell, even when I cleaned her house one day that was how she reacted. Every conversation with her until I was in my late 20's ended with her screaming at me and telling me she wished I was "dead and in hell".
For years and years I was terrified every day that if I had children I would treat them the way she treated us and especially me. It's taken me a VERY LONG TIME to know I won't.

2 comments:

RedefinedPossibilities said...

Hang in there and break the cycle of abuse.

merium said...

Oh jeez~I can't even imagine. My Mom was able to break the cycle and I know you can do it too. Thinking of you and my fingers are crossed...
xoxo