Wednesday, March 25, 2009

AGAIN.....WHY DO I TRY?

As usual when there is a family function we try to hand deliver as many invitations as possible to save on postage. We've been doing this for as long as I can remember. So when my sister came down to Dallas a couple of weekends ago I sent back several invitations for her to pass out.

She happened to run into my parents at the local Lowe's store. Mom looked less than pleased. Paula told her that she had their invitation in the trunk or they could have hers since she had it in her purse. Mom didn't say anything. Paula pulled out the invitation and asked again if she wanted that or she could go get the other one that had their name on it. Mom took the invitation, didn't look at it, didn't say thank you, she didn't say ANYTHING. Just shoved it in her purse and basically walked away.

I can't say that I'm surprised. This is the same woman that used to tell me she wished I was dead and in hell every day of my life. Or at least everyday that she saw me after I had moved out on my own. They haven't called me once since they found out I was getting married. Everyone that knows them KNOWS they are just terrified I'll ask for something (money) which I wouldn't because then I would be obligated to invite people I don't want there.

I'm terribly hurt even though I KNOW this is just how she is....how she's always been...especially towards me because, ya know, I was a MISTAKE. Yeah, she loved telling everyone she met that story. And still that "little girl" in me keeps hoping at some point in my life she'll treat me with some semblance of motherlyness. I'm 42 and it hasn't happened yet. Why do I keep doing this to myself.

I just have to remind myself what TOTALLY AMAZING FRIENDS I HAVE SURROUNDED MYSELF WITH.

2 comments:

merium said...

~GASP~ I am so sorry to hear this story. I know a lady who spent years and years trying for approval from her mother, and it never happened, not even on her mother's death bed. These stories just make me want to hug my daughter so tight~sending you a hug too..

Sharpiegirl said...

Thank you.
I questioned whether I should post that one or not. But sometimes putting stuff out there lets you take the power back from the abuser.
And...It probably helps that next to no one reads my blog. LOL!