I had a total panic attack meltdown yesterday. It was LOADS of fun.
You know that sensation where you feel like you have to get out of a room NOW? I have been fighting that for a few weeks.
For the last couple of weeks the preggo/baby talk was getting a little overwhelming but then this week they were supposed to find out the sex.
Cue the pink and blue papers being passed to every single department in the building for everyone to guess what it was going to be. Then on top of that Belcher making 3-6 stops at almost every desk in my department (literally) DAILY so she could share every little ache, pain and twinge. The whole time I tried to either plastered a smile on my face and acted like I gave a shit, head down busting out my phone calls so I don’t have to hear the chatter or, if I was able, left the room.
So yesterday she was going to wear the “winning” color. Great….she wore blue….blah blah blah. Bully for her. I was able to block it out most of the morning.
About mid morning she made her first of many stops in our department…with u/s pictures. Ok, I’m thinking she’ll just be here for a little while…I think I can deal with this. Nope….after 5 solid minutes I had to leave the room. I tried to tune it out, I tried making more phone calls so I couldn’t hear them…they just talked louder….I had to get out of there. I couldn’t breath. I HAD to get out of there. So I went and hung out in the Ladies lounge. Chilled on the couch for a little while, practiced my breathing. Calmed myself down. Somewhat.
By the time I went to lunch I was barely hanging on because by this point the entire department had baby fever. I went in the ladies lounge at lunch and kicked back on the couch for a little while to clear my head, put a box full of band aids on my bruised and battered heart and tried to put it out of my mind. Guess who walks in.
By this time I had decided enough was enough. So as she was blathering on about it being a boy I told her. Look, I am very happy for you. But I don’t want you to be offended if I don’t want to hear about it all. I’ve been through 5 miscarriages in the last couple of years and it’s just very difficult for me to be around right now. She said Oh….I totally understand. Wow 5.
At this point I’m thinking…whew…that went well. But I bet it’s going to come back to bite me in the ass.
So I went back to my desk, thinking maybe I can make it through the rest of the day without anymore tears. Man was I wrong.
Less than an HOUR later. Guess who showed up. Not only did she come “in the department” but she was at the cubicle next to mine. WTF!!! Ok so now I KNOW that this stupid bitch is doing it on purpose. I tried all the usual distracting stuff…nothing worked. Turned the music up LOUD….they just talked louder and more people joined in on the conversation. PEOPLE THAT I HAVE TOLD “look, this is what I’ve been through. I am not up to hearing this stuff”. Are people that fucking clueless? Whatever. So, I left the room….for a long time…hung out in my safe place (ladies lounge) and tried to regroup.
When I left the lounge, Belcher was walking by. So I stopped her and said “look. I thought you understood. You need to warn me or give me a heads up that you are going to be coming back there so that If I need to leave I have that option.” She feigned a confused look. And said Oh, OK. I just wanted to punch her lights out. But I didn’t.
By the time I got back to my desk (again the entire room, including the men were high on baby fever) I couldn’t breath, I was shaking and I couldn’t fight the urge to run any longer. I grabbed my stuff, hit the button to turn off the computer and told crazy crack ho boss I was leaving. Apparently I freaked her out because she wouldn’t let me leave and found me a quiet room to sit and calm down in. We chatted for a while she started crying and said she felt really bad that she hadn’t stepped in and told Keri to go back to her own department. I told her it’s been like being stuck in a never ending baby shower from hell complete with games from the minute I walk in the door until I leave every day.
Wow…I made the crack ho cry. She has feelings after all. Crazy…
After I calmed down was able to breath instead of hyperventilating and stopped shaking as bad she let me take off.
I don’t’ know what was said after I left but it is deathly quiet in here today. So now I’ll be the most hated person in the building. Perfect craptabulous way to end a crappy week.