That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be....

Yesterday I had to go to see my ob/gyn.

It's the first time I've been there since probably December when I had my last checkup after the miscarriage. I got there about 10am for my appointment and the waiting room was OVERFLOWING with preggos. I knew it would be busy because Wednesdays are their ultrasound days and since I had to have one myself there wasn't a way to avoid it. It was hard at first and it doesn't help the only magazines they have in their waiting room were parenting magazines.

After about 45 minutes of slow deliberate breathing and blinking away tears, hoping no one noticed, I finally reached an internal calm. There was a woman sitting on the couch across from me that was at least 8 months pregnant. She was leaned back with her eyes closed and her big baby belly was doing a little mambo dance. It was mesmerizing. I sat there watching it moving for about 10 minutes until THANKFULLY they called me back for my scan.

After I got that fun exam out of the way I had to go back out to the waiting room to wait for my turn to see the doctor. I finally saw a REAL magazine and GRABBED IT! OK so it was only Better Home and Gardens but it was a welcome distraction.

When I finally got to see my Doctor she was so excited to see me. I love that about her. I'm sure she is that excited and caring towards all of her patients but it makes me feel good to think I'm her favorite. Her previous nurse Dot was walking by too. She had been my pregnant buddy...well for the few weeks that I was pregnant anyway. I was happy for her and I really did want to see her baby's pictures (most other folks I try to avoid still). He was adorable, as I knew he would be. It was hard but not as gut wrenching as I thought it might be. It's still sad to know that my little girl would have only been about 3 weeks younger than him.
When we were in the exam room Dr. W wanted to know if we had decided to start trying again just yet. I told her we had been trying since about Mar/April but no luck yet. The us tech had taken LOTS of pictures of my plumbing. Everything looks perfect so now she wants to check the husband. (boy, is he gonna love that)

It was great to hear that she has quite a few patients that are older than I am and trying to have their first babies. I don't feel like such an odd duck anymore. There are still people that are less than kind with their comments about 40 being too old to have kids. But those are usually the ones that got pregnant as teenagers or in their early 20's and are now on their 45th husband. I try not to tell too many people that we are trying. Let them be surprised when the time comes.

We are going to try a higher dose of thyroid. It's supposed to help if you can get it below 2. I'm hoping that I'm close to that now. I spoke with her about the issues we had with the SS but he's doing much better these days so that helps me with my stress level. The only other real stress I have to deal with is finding a new job. I need to find a new job because they keep putting "Ms. Sensitivity" as my supervisor. (That is the name Dr. W gave my boss after she wrote me up for having to take an extra half day off when I miscarried. It cracks me up every time she says it!)

So all in all not a bad visit. I got better news than I thought I would and hopefully when I go back next month for a follow up we'll be able to see what needs to be done next.