Ugh. I just KNEW that last weekend was the last round of "crud".
Nope.
The u/s on Monday showed that there are a few stragglers that just don't want to give up yet. (It looked like a jigsaw puzzle in there.) They had switched it over to show blood flow which was pretty cool to see but really annoying to see that it's not done yet.
Blood test came back at 109 so we are heading in the right direction.
I want to try another round (or two) on our own before going with DE (if we ever do) but I want to try using steroids along with the rest of the meds. Doc calls it hocus pocus but even though research says it really doesn't help if I WANT to try it he is good with it. He said he used a lot of h/p when he and his wife were trying to get pregnant and now they have a 4 and 6 year old.
Dr. K also gave me a Rx for a high powered antibiotic since it's taking a while to get rid of everything. I don't have an infection but it's just to keep me from getting one. I almost had a heart attack when I got it filled. I really thought they were kidding when they said how much it was. I guess I've been spoiled with cheap(ish) generic drugs until now. LOL! The girl at Target gave me a $10 gift card since it was a new Rx instead of giving me the coupon to use the next time I had a new Rx.
I go back Monday for another look.
Oh and I almost forgot. Dr. K said I looked and sounded like I was getting my "spark" back. Awww...thanks. I needed that.
Dave has been busy practicing with a new band and helping a friend record a new album so I think that has helped keep him distracted. So far the getting blotto was just a few isolated instances. Thank goodness! I get a little freaked out if I think he's drinking too much even though to others it probably isn't.
We were sitting in the living room after he got home from practice on Sunday and he was talking about how blessed he feels, despite all the crap that we've dealt with, and how nice it was to feel appreciated by me and all these other folks. I am glad he feels that way.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
SOME good news....
The RE wanted to do a d&e last Friday but when I went in on Thursday the u/s looked like there was just a little tissue left. They didn't see the sac so he said that either I passed it already or it's collapsed and I should pass it soon. The good news was I didn't have to do surgery.
I've been really pissy with Dave lately. Over stupid stuff. Well not so stupid. He comes home after a hard day of work and has a beer...or two. I don't have a problem with that. BUT when he comes home and has a couple of shots....several beers and then most of a bottle of wine it pisses me off. ESPECIALLY when he keeps me awake all night with his snoring. I'm sure that is his way of dealing with the crapfest but I am NOT going to deal with a drunk every night. It's time for him to start reining it in.
Yeah I know. I'm getting bitchy. I started back on the happy pills this week.
I've been really pissy with Dave lately. Over stupid stuff. Well not so stupid. He comes home after a hard day of work and has a beer...or two. I don't have a problem with that. BUT when he comes home and has a couple of shots....several beers and then most of a bottle of wine it pisses me off. ESPECIALLY when he keeps me awake all night with his snoring. I'm sure that is his way of dealing with the crapfest but I am NOT going to deal with a drunk every night. It's time for him to start reining it in.
Yeah I know. I'm getting bitchy. I started back on the happy pills this week.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Almost done...
Friday and Saturday night I woke up with lots of cramping, bleeding etc. It tapered off so I thought it was done. Tuesday it started up again with the cramping but not much more. Wednesday was more of the same so we did an u/s this morning. It looks like the sac passed or has collapsed and will pass very soon and it only looked like a little more tissue was left to get rid of. Thank goodness I will be able to avoid surgery. They had me scheduled to do another D&E on Friday but we were able to cancel that.
I feel like this has lasted 6 months.
I told the Dr that Dave and I wanted to come in and really talk about the nitty gritty of doing a donor egg. He's excited that we are more open to the idea of going that route. Obviously I can get pregnant and stay pregnant I just am not getting good quality eggs of my own to make a viable baby. ~sigh~ He said to take a little time to get over this one and in a few weeks make an appointment. With my age I can't wait too long though.
I'm loading up on amino acids, vit C, B, E, Zinc and CoQ10 in the meantime. Maybe just maybe I can come up with one good egg of my own in a couple of months and we won't need to look at the DE route.
I feel like this has lasted 6 months.
I told the Dr that Dave and I wanted to come in and really talk about the nitty gritty of doing a donor egg. He's excited that we are more open to the idea of going that route. Obviously I can get pregnant and stay pregnant I just am not getting good quality eggs of my own to make a viable baby. ~sigh~ He said to take a little time to get over this one and in a few weeks make an appointment. With my age I can't wait too long though.
I'm loading up on amino acids, vit C, B, E, Zinc and CoQ10 in the meantime. Maybe just maybe I can come up with one good egg of my own in a couple of months and we won't need to look at the DE route.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Still in limbo...
Well...waiting 48 hrs and taking another dose did absolutely nothing. On the bright side it I had zero side effects and I was able to sleep pretty well that night as well. I have another call into the Dr's office to see if we could do 2 doses closer together. I REALLY don't want to do surgery. I just don't (as I stamp my foot).
I sometimes wonder if letting my body go through all this will help the next pregnancy work out better. See...I told you I was nuts...stupid RPL makes me have all kinds of weird thoughts and superstitions these days.
I also just remembered that it is International Blog Delurking Week this week. Come out of the shadows and just say hi. Come on....I double dog dare you.
I sometimes wonder if letting my body go through all this will help the next pregnancy work out better. See...I told you I was nuts...stupid RPL makes me have all kinds of weird thoughts and superstitions these days.
I also just remembered that it is International Blog Delurking Week this week. Come out of the shadows and just say hi. Come on....I double dog dare you.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Halfway there....and whole lotta TMI you might want to skip.
I called the Dr's office back on Monday because I am just DONE with waiting. They called in the Rx for cy.to.te.c some painkillers and a strong dose of ibuprofen which I've never had before but LOVED.
I thought about waiting until the weekend but 1) I was so ready to get it all over with, 2)weekends are so busy for us, 3)I didn't want to deal with this when the stepson was around because he doesn't know, and 4) I was afraid that I would chicken out if I waited so I went ahead and used it.
I inserted them at 7:30 nothing happened at all. I went to bed just before 10 and woke up with strong cramps about 11:30. Not too bad, just annoying enough to keep me from really falling asleep again.
After about an hour I got up and decided to hang out in the living room so I didn't wake Dave up. The cramping got a little stronger. A few times I had to breath through it but that didn't last long. The spotting had picked up by this time but still not much was happening.
About 4 am I starting getting stronger more contraction like pains. Walking around the living room or swaying helped. So did the heating pad although I would recommend having 2 since I needed one for my back too at this point. I took another dose of the painkillers. I passing some clots by this time but still not much.
5 am I was having a hard time getting into a comfortable position. I spent a lot of time just sitting in the bathroom because it was more comfortable. I would say it was about a 7 1/2 on the pain scale by this point. It would have been better if I had taken the meds like I was supposed to.
I had moved back to the couch since the cramping had lightened up a bit. I took another dose of the Ibuprofen since the painkiller didn't seem to be helping much. It was kinda funny I couldn't keep track of time very well and I sat there for a long time trying to figure out if it had been long enough to take another dose yet. I couldn't count at all. It was a really weird feeling. I seriously could not count how many hours it had been since midnight. It was like my brain had been turned off.
About 5 am I felt a big gush. Great fun. Thankfully I got to the bathroom before it got too bad. I cleaned myself up then went and curled up on the couch again. The stronger cramps kicked in again and it was really uncomfortable. I was breathing through them and had to get into a child's pose just to get some relief from them. About 6 am I felt a second big gush. This time I didn't even make it to the bathroom. Everything I had on including my robe was soaked. I stripped off everything grabbed a towel to catch the flood and was trying to figure out how the heck I was going to get that bathroom clean before the teenager woke up (it's the one he uses). I heard the alarm going off in our bedroom so I moved from the hall bathroom to ours and as I was climbing in the shower I asked Dave to please go make sure I hadn't missed anything....I'm sure that is how every man wants to be woke up. Uh honey would you go see if I bled all over the living room and hall carpet?
He was great about it though. Didn't grumble once. He cleaned everything up, tossed my clothes and the towels in the washer while I jumped in the shower to clean up.
OK so that wins him big points back that he lost over the whole birthday screw up. He might not be very good at birthdays but he is great at all the really important stuff.
I crawled in bed and slept about 30 minutes and about 7 I woke up just as I had another big gush hit. I kept thinking where the heck is all this coming from because each time it's completely flooding the pad and then some.
Cramping and bleeding seemed to stop about that time. I slept most of the day since I had been awake all night.
That afternoon it felt like there was something else that needed to come out. It felt like when you don't quite have a tampon in the right spot. Hey, I warned you it was TMI. So I checked. Sure enough I felt something stuck so I called the Dr's office. He said to wait and if it hadn't passed to take another dose of the meds in 48 hrs. So tonight on my way home I'll pick up another dose and see if that does the trick. For me it helped doing this at night so I could be home but not have to deal with explaining to the stepson what was happening. Dave was there if I needed him instead of at work so that eased my mind as well.
I have to say that it's not as horrible as I thought it might be to use this med. I really didn't want to do another d&e since I had so many complications with the last time. I think I'm more scared of complications from surgery again than I am of the extra (but manageable) pain and mess. Even though the 1st dose didn't take care of everything and I have to take a second dose I think if I have another missed m/c I would do this again if I had to. Let's see if my opinion changes after tonight.
I thought about waiting until the weekend but 1) I was so ready to get it all over with, 2)weekends are so busy for us, 3)I didn't want to deal with this when the stepson was around because he doesn't know, and 4) I was afraid that I would chicken out if I waited so I went ahead and used it.
I inserted them at 7:30 nothing happened at all. I went to bed just before 10 and woke up with strong cramps about 11:30. Not too bad, just annoying enough to keep me from really falling asleep again.
After about an hour I got up and decided to hang out in the living room so I didn't wake Dave up. The cramping got a little stronger. A few times I had to breath through it but that didn't last long. The spotting had picked up by this time but still not much was happening.
About 4 am I starting getting stronger more contraction like pains. Walking around the living room or swaying helped. So did the heating pad although I would recommend having 2 since I needed one for my back too at this point. I took another dose of the painkillers. I passing some clots by this time but still not much.
5 am I was having a hard time getting into a comfortable position. I spent a lot of time just sitting in the bathroom because it was more comfortable. I would say it was about a 7 1/2 on the pain scale by this point. It would have been better if I had taken the meds like I was supposed to.
I had moved back to the couch since the cramping had lightened up a bit. I took another dose of the Ibuprofen since the painkiller didn't seem to be helping much. It was kinda funny I couldn't keep track of time very well and I sat there for a long time trying to figure out if it had been long enough to take another dose yet. I couldn't count at all. It was a really weird feeling. I seriously could not count how many hours it had been since midnight. It was like my brain had been turned off.
About 5 am I felt a big gush. Great fun. Thankfully I got to the bathroom before it got too bad. I cleaned myself up then went and curled up on the couch again. The stronger cramps kicked in again and it was really uncomfortable. I was breathing through them and had to get into a child's pose just to get some relief from them. About 6 am I felt a second big gush. This time I didn't even make it to the bathroom. Everything I had on including my robe was soaked. I stripped off everything grabbed a towel to catch the flood and was trying to figure out how the heck I was going to get that bathroom clean before the teenager woke up (it's the one he uses). I heard the alarm going off in our bedroom so I moved from the hall bathroom to ours and as I was climbing in the shower I asked Dave to please go make sure I hadn't missed anything....I'm sure that is how every man wants to be woke up. Uh honey would you go see if I bled all over the living room and hall carpet?
He was great about it though. Didn't grumble once. He cleaned everything up, tossed my clothes and the towels in the washer while I jumped in the shower to clean up.
OK so that wins him big points back that he lost over the whole birthday screw up. He might not be very good at birthdays but he is great at all the really important stuff.
I crawled in bed and slept about 30 minutes and about 7 I woke up just as I had another big gush hit. I kept thinking where the heck is all this coming from because each time it's completely flooding the pad and then some.
Cramping and bleeding seemed to stop about that time. I slept most of the day since I had been awake all night.
That afternoon it felt like there was something else that needed to come out. It felt like when you don't quite have a tampon in the right spot. Hey, I warned you it was TMI. So I checked. Sure enough I felt something stuck so I called the Dr's office. He said to wait and if it hadn't passed to take another dose of the meds in 48 hrs. So tonight on my way home I'll pick up another dose and see if that does the trick. For me it helped doing this at night so I could be home but not have to deal with explaining to the stepson what was happening. Dave was there if I needed him instead of at work so that eased my mind as well.
I have to say that it's not as horrible as I thought it might be to use this med. I really didn't want to do another d&e since I had so many complications with the last time. I think I'm more scared of complications from surgery again than I am of the extra (but manageable) pain and mess. Even though the 1st dose didn't take care of everything and I have to take a second dose I think if I have another missed m/c I would do this again if I had to. Let's see if my opinion changes after tonight.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
One month later...
It's been one month since we confirmed there wasn't a heartbeat. I am still waiting...still spotting...still hoping that it will skip this weekend since Dave has a gig and we will be taking the teardrop so we can stay the night and not drive NYE. Oh Lord PLEASE don't let anything happen while we are at the party. That would be a nightmare because then everyone would know. These are a bunch of over 50 and 60 folks that had their kids at 20 something and don't understand why in the world someone would want to have a baby at my age. (yeah, one has pretty much told me that so I just don't want to hear the judgemental comments and be the hot topic of conversation for another group. Ah hell...I probably am already. sigh)
I got a call from my regular ob's nurse today. She had gotten the paperwork from the RE's office and was calling to tell me how sorry she was. She really really really wants to see us go for a donor egg. She was telling me how they can match us and no one would ever know that we used a donor egg because it would look like me. I don't know. I think I am getting closer to wanting to hear more about it. I have tried to bring it up to Dave and he just says it wouldn't be part of me. I don't know. Part of me doesn't want to go there....another part says IF this is the only way I can have a baby then maybe that is what I will need to do.
It's hard not to get ahead of myself. I am still waiting for this miscarriage to happen. After the phone call with the nurse I called the RE's office to see if I can take something to speed up the process. After the problems I had with the last d&e I really don't want to do another if I don't have to. They finally called back this afternoon and I will either hear from the Doctor tonight or the office will call me tomorrow. I'm just ready for this to be over. Maybe when I talk to the office tomorrow I will make an appointment for Dave and I to go and talk to them about using one of the donor cycles later in the month.
I got a call from my regular ob's nurse today. She had gotten the paperwork from the RE's office and was calling to tell me how sorry she was. She really really really wants to see us go for a donor egg. She was telling me how they can match us and no one would ever know that we used a donor egg because it would look like me. I don't know. I think I am getting closer to wanting to hear more about it. I have tried to bring it up to Dave and he just says it wouldn't be part of me. I don't know. Part of me doesn't want to go there....another part says IF this is the only way I can have a baby then maybe that is what I will need to do.
It's hard not to get ahead of myself. I am still waiting for this miscarriage to happen. After the phone call with the nurse I called the RE's office to see if I can take something to speed up the process. After the problems I had with the last d&e I really don't want to do another if I don't have to. They finally called back this afternoon and I will either hear from the Doctor tonight or the office will call me tomorrow. I'm just ready for this to be over. Maybe when I talk to the office tomorrow I will make an appointment for Dave and I to go and talk to them about using one of the donor cycles later in the month.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Yes....I did.
I wrapped the rest of their Christmas gifts in the worst dollar store birthday paper I could find.
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