Well...waiting 48 hrs and taking another dose did absolutely nothing. On the bright side it I had zero side effects and I was able to sleep pretty well that night as well. I have another call into the Dr's office to see if we could do 2 doses closer together. I REALLY don't want to do surgery. I just don't (as I stamp my foot).
I sometimes wonder if letting my body go through all this will help the next pregnancy work out better. See...I told you I was nuts...stupid RPL makes me have all kinds of weird thoughts and superstitions these days.
I also just remembered that it is International Blog Delurking Week this week. Come out of the shadows and just say hi. Come on....I double dog dare you.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Halfway there....and whole lotta TMI you might want to skip.
I called the Dr's office back on Monday because I am just DONE with waiting. They called in the Rx for cy.to.te.c some painkillers and a strong dose of ibuprofen which I've never had before but LOVED.
I thought about waiting until the weekend but 1) I was so ready to get it all over with, 2)weekends are so busy for us, 3)I didn't want to deal with this when the stepson was around because he doesn't know, and 4) I was afraid that I would chicken out if I waited so I went ahead and used it.
I inserted them at 7:30 nothing happened at all. I went to bed just before 10 and woke up with strong cramps about 11:30. Not too bad, just annoying enough to keep me from really falling asleep again.
After about an hour I got up and decided to hang out in the living room so I didn't wake Dave up. The cramping got a little stronger. A few times I had to breath through it but that didn't last long. The spotting had picked up by this time but still not much was happening.
About 4 am I starting getting stronger more contraction like pains. Walking around the living room or swaying helped. So did the heating pad although I would recommend having 2 since I needed one for my back too at this point. I took another dose of the painkillers. I passing some clots by this time but still not much.
5 am I was having a hard time getting into a comfortable position. I spent a lot of time just sitting in the bathroom because it was more comfortable. I would say it was about a 7 1/2 on the pain scale by this point. It would have been better if I had taken the meds like I was supposed to.
I had moved back to the couch since the cramping had lightened up a bit. I took another dose of the Ibuprofen since the painkiller didn't seem to be helping much. It was kinda funny I couldn't keep track of time very well and I sat there for a long time trying to figure out if it had been long enough to take another dose yet. I couldn't count at all. It was a really weird feeling. I seriously could not count how many hours it had been since midnight. It was like my brain had been turned off.
About 5 am I felt a big gush. Great fun. Thankfully I got to the bathroom before it got too bad. I cleaned myself up then went and curled up on the couch again. The stronger cramps kicked in again and it was really uncomfortable. I was breathing through them and had to get into a child's pose just to get some relief from them. About 6 am I felt a second big gush. This time I didn't even make it to the bathroom. Everything I had on including my robe was soaked. I stripped off everything grabbed a towel to catch the flood and was trying to figure out how the heck I was going to get that bathroom clean before the teenager woke up (it's the one he uses). I heard the alarm going off in our bedroom so I moved from the hall bathroom to ours and as I was climbing in the shower I asked Dave to please go make sure I hadn't missed anything....I'm sure that is how every man wants to be woke up. Uh honey would you go see if I bled all over the living room and hall carpet?
He was great about it though. Didn't grumble once. He cleaned everything up, tossed my clothes and the towels in the washer while I jumped in the shower to clean up.
OK so that wins him big points back that he lost over the whole birthday screw up. He might not be very good at birthdays but he is great at all the really important stuff.
I crawled in bed and slept about 30 minutes and about 7 I woke up just as I had another big gush hit. I kept thinking where the heck is all this coming from because each time it's completely flooding the pad and then some.
Cramping and bleeding seemed to stop about that time. I slept most of the day since I had been awake all night.
That afternoon it felt like there was something else that needed to come out. It felt like when you don't quite have a tampon in the right spot. Hey, I warned you it was TMI. So I checked. Sure enough I felt something stuck so I called the Dr's office. He said to wait and if it hadn't passed to take another dose of the meds in 48 hrs. So tonight on my way home I'll pick up another dose and see if that does the trick. For me it helped doing this at night so I could be home but not have to deal with explaining to the stepson what was happening. Dave was there if I needed him instead of at work so that eased my mind as well.
I have to say that it's not as horrible as I thought it might be to use this med. I really didn't want to do another d&e since I had so many complications with the last time. I think I'm more scared of complications from surgery again than I am of the extra (but manageable) pain and mess. Even though the 1st dose didn't take care of everything and I have to take a second dose I think if I have another missed m/c I would do this again if I had to. Let's see if my opinion changes after tonight.
I thought about waiting until the weekend but 1) I was so ready to get it all over with, 2)weekends are so busy for us, 3)I didn't want to deal with this when the stepson was around because he doesn't know, and 4) I was afraid that I would chicken out if I waited so I went ahead and used it.
I inserted them at 7:30 nothing happened at all. I went to bed just before 10 and woke up with strong cramps about 11:30. Not too bad, just annoying enough to keep me from really falling asleep again.
After about an hour I got up and decided to hang out in the living room so I didn't wake Dave up. The cramping got a little stronger. A few times I had to breath through it but that didn't last long. The spotting had picked up by this time but still not much was happening.
About 4 am I starting getting stronger more contraction like pains. Walking around the living room or swaying helped. So did the heating pad although I would recommend having 2 since I needed one for my back too at this point. I took another dose of the painkillers. I passing some clots by this time but still not much.
5 am I was having a hard time getting into a comfortable position. I spent a lot of time just sitting in the bathroom because it was more comfortable. I would say it was about a 7 1/2 on the pain scale by this point. It would have been better if I had taken the meds like I was supposed to.
I had moved back to the couch since the cramping had lightened up a bit. I took another dose of the Ibuprofen since the painkiller didn't seem to be helping much. It was kinda funny I couldn't keep track of time very well and I sat there for a long time trying to figure out if it had been long enough to take another dose yet. I couldn't count at all. It was a really weird feeling. I seriously could not count how many hours it had been since midnight. It was like my brain had been turned off.
About 5 am I felt a big gush. Great fun. Thankfully I got to the bathroom before it got too bad. I cleaned myself up then went and curled up on the couch again. The stronger cramps kicked in again and it was really uncomfortable. I was breathing through them and had to get into a child's pose just to get some relief from them. About 6 am I felt a second big gush. This time I didn't even make it to the bathroom. Everything I had on including my robe was soaked. I stripped off everything grabbed a towel to catch the flood and was trying to figure out how the heck I was going to get that bathroom clean before the teenager woke up (it's the one he uses). I heard the alarm going off in our bedroom so I moved from the hall bathroom to ours and as I was climbing in the shower I asked Dave to please go make sure I hadn't missed anything....I'm sure that is how every man wants to be woke up. Uh honey would you go see if I bled all over the living room and hall carpet?
He was great about it though. Didn't grumble once. He cleaned everything up, tossed my clothes and the towels in the washer while I jumped in the shower to clean up.
OK so that wins him big points back that he lost over the whole birthday screw up. He might not be very good at birthdays but he is great at all the really important stuff.
I crawled in bed and slept about 30 minutes and about 7 I woke up just as I had another big gush hit. I kept thinking where the heck is all this coming from because each time it's completely flooding the pad and then some.
Cramping and bleeding seemed to stop about that time. I slept most of the day since I had been awake all night.
That afternoon it felt like there was something else that needed to come out. It felt like when you don't quite have a tampon in the right spot. Hey, I warned you it was TMI. So I checked. Sure enough I felt something stuck so I called the Dr's office. He said to wait and if it hadn't passed to take another dose of the meds in 48 hrs. So tonight on my way home I'll pick up another dose and see if that does the trick. For me it helped doing this at night so I could be home but not have to deal with explaining to the stepson what was happening. Dave was there if I needed him instead of at work so that eased my mind as well.
I have to say that it's not as horrible as I thought it might be to use this med. I really didn't want to do another d&e since I had so many complications with the last time. I think I'm more scared of complications from surgery again than I am of the extra (but manageable) pain and mess. Even though the 1st dose didn't take care of everything and I have to take a second dose I think if I have another missed m/c I would do this again if I had to. Let's see if my opinion changes after tonight.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
One month later...
It's been one month since we confirmed there wasn't a heartbeat. I am still waiting...still spotting...still hoping that it will skip this weekend since Dave has a gig and we will be taking the teardrop so we can stay the night and not drive NYE. Oh Lord PLEASE don't let anything happen while we are at the party. That would be a nightmare because then everyone would know. These are a bunch of over 50 and 60 folks that had their kids at 20 something and don't understand why in the world someone would want to have a baby at my age. (yeah, one has pretty much told me that so I just don't want to hear the judgemental comments and be the hot topic of conversation for another group. Ah hell...I probably am already. sigh)
I got a call from my regular ob's nurse today. She had gotten the paperwork from the RE's office and was calling to tell me how sorry she was. She really really really wants to see us go for a donor egg. She was telling me how they can match us and no one would ever know that we used a donor egg because it would look like me. I don't know. I think I am getting closer to wanting to hear more about it. I have tried to bring it up to Dave and he just says it wouldn't be part of me. I don't know. Part of me doesn't want to go there....another part says IF this is the only way I can have a baby then maybe that is what I will need to do.
It's hard not to get ahead of myself. I am still waiting for this miscarriage to happen. After the phone call with the nurse I called the RE's office to see if I can take something to speed up the process. After the problems I had with the last d&e I really don't want to do another if I don't have to. They finally called back this afternoon and I will either hear from the Doctor tonight or the office will call me tomorrow. I'm just ready for this to be over. Maybe when I talk to the office tomorrow I will make an appointment for Dave and I to go and talk to them about using one of the donor cycles later in the month.
I got a call from my regular ob's nurse today. She had gotten the paperwork from the RE's office and was calling to tell me how sorry she was. She really really really wants to see us go for a donor egg. She was telling me how they can match us and no one would ever know that we used a donor egg because it would look like me. I don't know. I think I am getting closer to wanting to hear more about it. I have tried to bring it up to Dave and he just says it wouldn't be part of me. I don't know. Part of me doesn't want to go there....another part says IF this is the only way I can have a baby then maybe that is what I will need to do.
It's hard not to get ahead of myself. I am still waiting for this miscarriage to happen. After the phone call with the nurse I called the RE's office to see if I can take something to speed up the process. After the problems I had with the last d&e I really don't want to do another if I don't have to. They finally called back this afternoon and I will either hear from the Doctor tonight or the office will call me tomorrow. I'm just ready for this to be over. Maybe when I talk to the office tomorrow I will make an appointment for Dave and I to go and talk to them about using one of the donor cycles later in the month.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Yes....I did.
I wrapped the rest of their Christmas gifts in the worst dollar store birthday paper I could find.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Not too bad...
The minute I got home my SS came out of his room (amazing feat in itself) and told me Happy Birthday. That was sweet. Totally unexpected too.
Dave got home a little after I did so we loaded "the beef" in the freezer. It JUST fit. OK so it does make me happy to have all that beef and a big box of bones I can use for stock. But it's still not a birthday present.
Right after that Dave said he had to "run to the store to get beer" and that he "would be right back" so I was to get ready to go out for dinner.
Almost an hour later he shows up. Uh huh....can we say desperate scramble for a birthday gift? Yeah...me too.
Dinner was really good. We went to a new sushi place that we haven't been to before. Very nice staff. We will definitely go back. I got a gift card to help buy a new coat (anyone want to guess what the receipt time stamp said?) He still kept talking about the damn beef so I told him again that food for the whole family is not a birthday gift. He tried to jokingly guilt me a little with how much it cost. That was a little irritating but I didn't let it ruin the night.
When we got home the SS came out and gave me a gift....wrapped in Christmas paper. I told him he did a nice job of wrapping it (didn't say a word about the paper) and he said his dad did that. Uh huh. So he really didn't have anything for me. Didn't even think to get something for me that was actually FROM my SS and he's giving me one of my Christmas presents for my birthday. Seriously? We have HAD this talk many times. He knows how weird I get about that. ~sigh~
Still. It was something I wanted. A fishing pole...A PINK fishing pole and the box from the SS was full of lures and hooks. So now I can go catch me some fish for the freezer. Betcha I get a fishing license in my stocking for Christmas.
I'm not sure he actually got me a whole cake (I didn't look in the fridge) but he at least got a few slices of the Sacher Torte from L.a Ma.deli.ne. Made me cry.....I got a birthday cake (slice) from him. No candle but I got to have some cake...that he actually thought about and made the effort to buy just for me.......made me cry again.
Damn hormones.
Dave got home a little after I did so we loaded "the beef" in the freezer. It JUST fit. OK so it does make me happy to have all that beef and a big box of bones I can use for stock. But it's still not a birthday present.
Right after that Dave said he had to "run to the store to get beer" and that he "would be right back" so I was to get ready to go out for dinner.
Almost an hour later he shows up. Uh huh....can we say desperate scramble for a birthday gift? Yeah...me too.
Dinner was really good. We went to a new sushi place that we haven't been to before. Very nice staff. We will definitely go back. I got a gift card to help buy a new coat (anyone want to guess what the receipt time stamp said?) He still kept talking about the damn beef so I told him again that food for the whole family is not a birthday gift. He tried to jokingly guilt me a little with how much it cost. That was a little irritating but I didn't let it ruin the night.
When we got home the SS came out and gave me a gift....wrapped in Christmas paper. I told him he did a nice job of wrapping it (didn't say a word about the paper) and he said his dad did that. Uh huh. So he really didn't have anything for me. Didn't even think to get something for me that was actually FROM my SS and he's giving me one of my Christmas presents for my birthday. Seriously? We have HAD this talk many times. He knows how weird I get about that. ~sigh~
Still. It was something I wanted. A fishing pole...A PINK fishing pole and the box from the SS was full of lures and hooks. So now I can go catch me some fish for the freezer. Betcha I get a fishing license in my stocking for Christmas.
I'm not sure he actually got me a whole cake (I didn't look in the fridge) but he at least got a few slices of the Sacher Torte from L.a Ma.deli.ne. Made me cry.....I got a birthday cake (slice) from him. No candle but I got to have some cake...that he actually thought about and made the effort to buy just for me.......made me cry again.
Damn hormones.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
TOTAL hormonal meltdown last night....
My poor husband.
He is a great husband and provider but he doesn't really get the point of buying birthday cakes and I sometimes feel like I have to prod him a bit to remember my birthday. Or that my birthday gift is NOT something you can tack onto one of my Christmas gifts. As in here ya go honey. This can be your Christmas AND birthday present even though it's wrapped in Christmas paper. Or if I'm going to buy something he'll want to just give me money for it. Which is nice. VERY NICE. But it's the lazy way out of having to think about what to buy me. I make an effort for his birthday and his son's I don't think it's asking too much that they make some effort to remember mine.
Several months ago we went in with a couple of families on getting a beef processed. I'm a farm girl and this is exciting stuff. I love being able to just go to the freezer and pull out steaks, burgers etc.
After the wreck we talked about just skipping Christmas for each other since we were going to have the expense of the freezer and beef at the same time. Just get stuff for the SS.
I've felt really bad about everything lately,the wreck, getting another car, the "impending doom", etc. Fast forward to earlier this month the beef was going to be processed right at Christmas time so we would have that expense PLUS we would have to buy a freezer to store it all in.
OK so...we are up to
beef (grass fed, grass finished)
freezer to keep beef in
wrecked car
Dr's bills
womb of doom
Christmas for the stepson
oh and I almost forgot buying a new used car and the bill from the mechanic to fix a few minor things like the timing belt and brakes that really needed to be done before I drove it much.
I am trying to be a real grown up and not make a fuss about my birthday. It's not like I really need much and I try really hard not to be high maintenance but he kept talking about giving me that damn beef for my birthday.
It really didn't help that I was having a crappy hormonal day yesterday as well.
The nightmare boss was picking on me. Guess it was my turn, who knows she is nuts.
Then I made the mistake of going to Target after work....it was filled with too many people not shopping but standing in the middle of the isle BLOCKING the entire isle while they just stood there chatting. Seriously people? grrr.... Preggos and new babies seemed to be around every corner as well. All the while I was starting to unravel just a little bit more.
By the time I got home I was in a crap mood.
I thought about just going and taking a long hot shower but that would have required effort I just didn't have. The tears kept trying to pop up but I was able to fight them back. So I grabbed a beer and joined Dave on our love seat. He kept asking if I was OK, what was wrong blah blah blah. I told him I was as good as could be expected. He mentioned the beef was coming in tomorrow (my birthday) I LOST IT. I just started sobbing. All I could get out is that it had been a really bad month and I KNOW I said it would be OK but getting that for my birthday really wasn't OK.
He started laughing saying he had been kidding but it just made me cry harder. Then he kept asking me what I wanted for my birthday which only made things worse because I'm thinking it's the night before my birthday and he has nothing.
I'm feeling a little better today but damn I hope he at least made the effort to buy me a cake.
He is a great husband and provider but he doesn't really get the point of buying birthday cakes and I sometimes feel like I have to prod him a bit to remember my birthday. Or that my birthday gift is NOT something you can tack onto one of my Christmas gifts. As in here ya go honey. This can be your Christmas AND birthday present even though it's wrapped in Christmas paper. Or if I'm going to buy something he'll want to just give me money for it. Which is nice. VERY NICE. But it's the lazy way out of having to think about what to buy me. I make an effort for his birthday and his son's I don't think it's asking too much that they make some effort to remember mine.
Several months ago we went in with a couple of families on getting a beef processed. I'm a farm girl and this is exciting stuff. I love being able to just go to the freezer and pull out steaks, burgers etc.
After the wreck we talked about just skipping Christmas for each other since we were going to have the expense of the freezer and beef at the same time. Just get stuff for the SS.
I've felt really bad about everything lately,the wreck, getting another car, the "impending doom", etc. Fast forward to earlier this month the beef was going to be processed right at Christmas time so we would have that expense PLUS we would have to buy a freezer to store it all in.
OK so...we are up to
beef (grass fed, grass finished)
freezer to keep beef in
wrecked car
Dr's bills
womb of doom
Christmas for the stepson
oh and I almost forgot buying a new used car and the bill from the mechanic to fix a few minor things like the timing belt and brakes that really needed to be done before I drove it much.
I am trying to be a real grown up and not make a fuss about my birthday. It's not like I really need much and I try really hard not to be high maintenance but he kept talking about giving me that damn beef for my birthday.
It really didn't help that I was having a crappy hormonal day yesterday as well.
The nightmare boss was picking on me. Guess it was my turn, who knows she is nuts.
Then I made the mistake of going to Target after work....it was filled with too many people not shopping but standing in the middle of the isle BLOCKING the entire isle while they just stood there chatting. Seriously people? grrr.... Preggos and new babies seemed to be around every corner as well. All the while I was starting to unravel just a little bit more.
By the time I got home I was in a crap mood.
I thought about just going and taking a long hot shower but that would have required effort I just didn't have. The tears kept trying to pop up but I was able to fight them back. So I grabbed a beer and joined Dave on our love seat. He kept asking if I was OK, what was wrong blah blah blah. I told him I was as good as could be expected. He mentioned the beef was coming in tomorrow (my birthday) I LOST IT. I just started sobbing. All I could get out is that it had been a really bad month and I KNOW I said it would be OK but getting that for my birthday really wasn't OK.
He started laughing saying he had been kidding but it just made me cry harder. Then he kept asking me what I wanted for my birthday which only made things worse because I'm thinking it's the night before my birthday and he has nothing.
I'm feeling a little better today but damn I hope he at least made the effort to buy me a cake.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
This is getting frustrating....again...
So if you are male or someone I know IRL or both you will probably want to skip this post....don't say I didn't warn you.
So yesterday I got up from my desk at work and felt a big gush. Thank goodness I was wearing at least a liner and also grateful for having made the decision to wear black that morning!!!! I ended up having to go home change clothes and since I wasn't cramping or really having anymore bleeding I decided to just go back to work. The nighmare boss has actually been pretty decent to deal with lately...knock...on....wood!
Nothing has happened since. Nada....Zilch....sigh....
This is just so weird. I know that can't be the end of it but the waiting is really starting to get to me. Betcha anything I will be doubled over with cramps either tomorrow...yeah, that will be a great birthday present or on Christmas...an even better day to screw up. ~sigh~ Dave keeps asking how to know if he needs to take me to the emergency room. Poor guy. I forget sometimes that this is just as hard on him even though he doesn't act like it.
Anyone out there that has waited it out for a natural miscarriage and would like to share some helpful advice? I am all ears.
Just got a call from the Dr's office. He ran a blood test to see if the numbers were falling yet. They are still at 15,942 so it will probably be a while. Although when I told her about the bleeding yesterday she said that could be a good sign.
God...please let it skip my birthday...Christmas...and New Year's Eve....just make it some random day that I can block from my memory.
So yesterday I got up from my desk at work and felt a big gush. Thank goodness I was wearing at least a liner and also grateful for having made the decision to wear black that morning!!!! I ended up having to go home change clothes and since I wasn't cramping or really having anymore bleeding I decided to just go back to work. The nighmare boss has actually been pretty decent to deal with lately...knock...on....wood!
Nothing has happened since. Nada....Zilch....sigh....
This is just so weird. I know that can't be the end of it but the waiting is really starting to get to me. Betcha anything I will be doubled over with cramps either tomorrow...yeah, that will be a great birthday present or on Christmas...an even better day to screw up. ~sigh~ Dave keeps asking how to know if he needs to take me to the emergency room. Poor guy. I forget sometimes that this is just as hard on him even though he doesn't act like it.
Anyone out there that has waited it out for a natural miscarriage and would like to share some helpful advice? I am all ears.
Just got a call from the Dr's office. He ran a blood test to see if the numbers were falling yet. They are still at 15,942 so it will probably be a while. Although when I told her about the bleeding yesterday she said that could be a good sign.
God...please let it skip my birthday...Christmas...and New Year's Eve....just make it some random day that I can block from my memory.
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