Still tired....

I helped photograph 2 weddings on Saturday. My feet are still killing me but it was great training. I need to go and shoot a bunch of weddings with them all in a row so I can fine tune my camera settings for each part of the wedding.

Then Sunday I met up with my sister and niece (they drove down from OK) and we braved the traffic and crowds so I could pick up a chair and ottoman for the stepson's Christmas gift at Ikea. I was surprised that the crowds weren't THAT bad. Ooh and we found the PERFECT little furniture store that had a self serve MARGARITA MACHINE. After shopping with my sister for a few hours I needed a couple of those! LOL And since I hadn't run myself completely ragged by that point we then drove to the the other side of DFW to the Stockyards in Fort Worth to watch my husband play at the Wh.ite El.epha.nt with a bunch of songwriters.
I need another weekend just to recover but at least I stayed so busy I didn't have time to focus on anything else.
Yay for staying busy!

A nice distraction...maybe...

our wedding photographer friends might need me to help with a few weddings this weekend. Fingers crossed....the practice is much appreciated even if I don't get paid for it.

Stupid Twit...

I confronted the lady that asked me if I was pregnant (in front of other people no less) when I got back from lunch. I was still steamed over it.
I asked her who she heard it from but of course she wouldn't say. Oh NOW she wants to be discreet. Uh huh. But she did say she overheard it in the lunchroom. So I am pretty sure I know whose ass is going to get kicked.
I was so upset I was visibly shaking. The stupid twit actually said "I just wanted to be excited with you". Yeah right. You just wanted to confirm the rumors so you would have the "scoop" to share with everyone at lunch.
These aren't people that give a damn about me. I have never worked in a company that is so cliquish. Not a one of them has ever made any attempt to have a conversation with me in the 3 years I've worked here, go to lunch with me etc. Which is just fine with me. They are too damn nosey and classless for my tastes anyway.
I told her Ya know there are REASONS WHY I don't tell people what is going on and to have you ask me that in front of people is extremely upsetting to me as we are trying to deal with the loss of our baby. This has been very difficult and upsetting and since you are in HR you should know better. If I wanted you to know I would have told you myself. You don't go asking people if they are pregnant because you don't have a clue what they are dealing with.

Yeah, I think she'll think twice before asking someone if they are pregnant again.

I thought I was playing it so cool....

At work anyway. I guess I was just fooling myself because THE LEAST discreet person in our company just asked me if I was pregnant and I burst into tears. Yeah...this is going to be a LONG day.

So this is where we stand.....

After the Dr did the u/s the other day we talked about what our next step should be. He said we had done everything we were supposed to but he felt that all our m/c are because of poor egg quality. He didn't think there was anything we could do to have a successful pregnancy using my own eggs.

He has 2 studies that he is running right now where we could "adopt" one of the frosties that have been donated or we could use donor eggs from his other study. Either way it would be a reduced rate. Basically just paying for the meds but still 4000-6ooo to try it.

I am torn.

If my eggs are total crap then at least if I used donor eggs I would have a better chance of having a baby that is at least Dave's DNA.

On the other hand I have spent my entire life raising other people's kids. All I wanted was to have my OWN bleach blond, skinned knee, snarky, biological child...with the left ear sticking out just like everyone else in my family has. Apparently that WAS too much to ask for.

And what if we spend the money to try and it fails? I would feel like I was robbed.

I found that CoQ10 is supposed to help with egg quality. I think I will try that first to see if it really does help. I don't think I'm ready to give up but I also don't think I'm ready for the next step.

I feel like I am offically grasping for straws now.....

Click on the link below to have a laugh at me and my co-workers. It's definately helped take my mind off the crapfest.

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/CNUgfibVf5Ugxzip

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/4z6pCl78ac70ta4Q

Not much happin...

Just wallowing in a big steaming pile of self-pity.

One of my co-workers just bought a new car and was talking about selling her old one 2001 Chevy PT Cruiser (Limited Edition) for $3000. So I think we are going to buy it. It will be a stretch since it's Xmas time but. I would rather have it since I know how well it's been taken care of. Then we can save up for a newer car in the future.
I'm just not up for another car payment right now.

My week is just getting better....

I totalled my car this morning.
I had a green arrow in the turn lane and was hit head on by a car from the opposite direction. That spun my car around and into 2 more cars. I got to take an ambulance ride to the ER on a backboard which was loads of fun but I would rather be safe than sorry. On the bright side they didn't find anything major that was wrong with me. Just a lot of bumps and bruises. You should see the one on my stomach from the seat belt. It's huge and purple.
I was pretty freaked out since I'm on blood thinners but no one seemed too concerned with that. They just couldn't wrap their head around how I could be pregnant but know that there wasn't a heartbeat. I thought that was kinda surprising but I guess they only deal with normal bad stuff not freaky fertility RPL crap.
My husband and SS (who has no clue that we have been trying to get pregnant) went to get everything out of the car. I hope Dave does that by himself because I'm sure the SS will freak out if he finds the baby bib stashed in the console (I would pull it out and channel all my mommy vibes just before scans in hopes that THAT would be the time that worked) and the what to expect when you are expecting book floating around on the floor of the car. Ehhh....maybe the kid could use a good shock.