So this is where we stand.....

After the Dr did the u/s the other day we talked about what our next step should be. He said we had done everything we were supposed to but he felt that all our m/c are because of poor egg quality. He didn't think there was anything we could do to have a successful pregnancy using my own eggs.

He has 2 studies that he is running right now where we could "adopt" one of the frosties that have been donated or we could use donor eggs from his other study. Either way it would be a reduced rate. Basically just paying for the meds but still 4000-6ooo to try it.

I am torn.

If my eggs are total crap then at least if I used donor eggs I would have a better chance of having a baby that is at least Dave's DNA.

On the other hand I have spent my entire life raising other people's kids. All I wanted was to have my OWN bleach blond, skinned knee, snarky, biological child...with the left ear sticking out just like everyone else in my family has. Apparently that WAS too much to ask for.

And what if we spend the money to try and it fails? I would feel like I was robbed.

I found that CoQ10 is supposed to help with egg quality. I think I will try that first to see if it really does help. I don't think I'm ready to give up but I also don't think I'm ready for the next step.

I feel like I am offically grasping for straws now.....

Click on the link below to have a laugh at me and my co-workers. It's definately helped take my mind off the crapfest.

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/CNUgfibVf5Ugxzip

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/4z6pCl78ac70ta4Q

Not much happin...

Just wallowing in a big steaming pile of self-pity.

One of my co-workers just bought a new car and was talking about selling her old one 2001 Chevy PT Cruiser (Limited Edition) for $3000. So I think we are going to buy it. It will be a stretch since it's Xmas time but. I would rather have it since I know how well it's been taken care of. Then we can save up for a newer car in the future.
I'm just not up for another car payment right now.

My week is just getting better....

I totalled my car this morning.
I had a green arrow in the turn lane and was hit head on by a car from the opposite direction. That spun my car around and into 2 more cars. I got to take an ambulance ride to the ER on a backboard which was loads of fun but I would rather be safe than sorry. On the bright side they didn't find anything major that was wrong with me. Just a lot of bumps and bruises. You should see the one on my stomach from the seat belt. It's huge and purple.
I was pretty freaked out since I'm on blood thinners but no one seemed too concerned with that. They just couldn't wrap their head around how I could be pregnant but know that there wasn't a heartbeat. I thought that was kinda surprising but I guess they only deal with normal bad stuff not freaky fertility RPL crap.
My husband and SS (who has no clue that we have been trying to get pregnant) went to get everything out of the car. I hope Dave does that by himself because I'm sure the SS will freak out if he finds the baby bib stashed in the console (I would pull it out and channel all my mommy vibes just before scans in hopes that THAT would be the time that worked) and the what to expect when you are expecting book floating around on the floor of the car. Ehhh....maybe the kid could use a good shock.

I'll take the sushi, brie and crackers, a 16 inch hero...

and the largest fucking shot of tequila you have ever seen. On second thought just fill the fucking water pitcher with it.

One holiday down....

Whew...I made it through Thanksgiving in one piece and feeling a little more pregnant each day.

I haven't been totally abandoned by the doom and gloom thoughts but their voices are getting quieter with every twinge.
My next appointment is tomorrow afternoon. They will do another u/s to see if they can find a heartbeat. So sometime around 4:45 y'all need to start praying for me.

Feel free to start immediately...

I am feeling more hopeful than I have since last week's appointment. With my luck I'll probably get a swift kick in the a$$ in the form of bad news, but I am still going to have hope.

HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE!

WHY can't I get to do something the easy way for once....

Should be 6w 4d....u/s measured 6 weeks. No heartbeat so I have to go back next Tuesday to see if there is any change.
Kinda feels like I should prepare myself for loss #5. F@@K!

Seriously?

I have a co-worker that is being harassed by our supervisor. She was written up this week for
"helping too much". Uh...REALLY?!?!?!? Wow. Can't wrap my head around that one and wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it.