What I hate most about RPL...another long and winding story

Is that it robs you from being able to celebrate the good things in life.

We are 5 weeks 2 days pregnant. First beta was 38 second was 158 (last Monday) I remember correctly which was just over doubling every 2 days. Whew.... I am trying to just go about my daily routines and not give it much thought. You buy that right? Yeah...me either.
I am on a daily injection of lo.ven.ox so far so good. It was a little freaky the first few times but I'm getting more comfortable with it and last night I didn't have that awful sting that usually last half an hour or so.

The thing that has me concerned the most these days is that one of my coworkers who sits about 5 feet away from me is having her thyroid killed with radio.active io.din.e. I had to tell her I was pregnant just so she would stay away from me...but she is so freakin stupid she believes her quack of a dr who says it's not a big deal. Uh read the internet chicky...it's a little bigger deal than you think. She was actually planning on coming back to work the same day that she received the treatment. I had to have a little talk with our supervisor and let her know that not only do I have an issue with it based on what I've read but my RE can't believe she is going to come back to work so soon. They want me to be 20 feet away from her for at least a week maybe 2. So we moved me to another desk on the opposite end of the room. Of course everyone was being nosey as to why I was moving but when we stuck to the computer issue story they moved on pretty quickly. I'm sure there are lots of rumors going on right about now.

I go in tomorrow morning for my next beta. Not that I give those test much weight anymore. I learned that lesson already. The blighted ovum had all the right number and then some. ~sigh~
The best news is that I am having more symptoms than I remember experiencing before.

I drove down to H-town so I could go to the Nut.cra.cker Mar.ket with my best friend yesterday. I wanted to get to tell her in person about this latest one. She's alway been supportive of me from a distance so it was fun to get to just share stories in person for a change.

When we got there it was PACKED! It seemed like there were more people there but less booths than last year. Everyone else was running around in sweaters and jackets I had sweat just rolling off me. Yeah, I know...kinda gross but I was about to pass out from getting too hot. I would get lightheaded ever few feet.
Ann decided that we should stop for lunch and let me cool off. I was sitting there chugging some cold water, fanning myself and pulling my hair up off my neck and these 3 ladies sat down at the same table we where at. One of them said...in a really good natured way "if you tell me you are hot I am gonna smack you!" So I blurted Oh it's just because I'm pregnant. Wow....I actually said it out loud and didn't get struck by lightening! At that point I didn't care anymore and stripped my shirt off. Thank goodness I had thought ahead and wore a tank under it! LOL

It's amazing how easy it was to talk about it with 3 total strangers. They all said very nice positive things and I managed to keep from bawling although a few tears snuck out. But it did make it seem more REAL.

I haven't told anyone in my family this time around. My sister kinda pissed me off after the last one. She is the queen of being judgemental, so she probably won't know until I am closer to the 13 week mark...or at least that is the current plan. You know me...I have said that before and caved.
I am glad that I did this roadtrip to Houston. I needed the girl time with Ann.
We realized that next year will mark 40 years since we met in a potato field so we are going to try and find potato charms for our bracelets to exchange in honor of it. 40 years....wow! I wonder if they make ruby potatoes? LOL

I hate this week.

Yesterday was the 2nd anniv. of our 1st loss...or at least the day we found out there wasn't a heartbeat. And the end of the week marks the 1st anniv of the only other pregnancy we made it to see the heartbeat. I really hate October.

FREE IS GOOD!

OK, so we had to buy 2 new tires for it...but STILL!

You can see more pictures here.

Making a little progress...

We picked up the trailer last Saturday and man is it in BAD SHAPE! I'm not sure what planet this guy is on but when you advertise something as having "NO LEAKS" it probably shouldn't have holes all the way around it and have a ceiling that is falling down from water damage. Just my opinion. But hey we didn't pay much for it and we wanted a "project" so it's all good.

The minute we got the thing parked on the side of the house I wanted to start cleaning it up a bit.

I tried to vacuum the Smurf blue astroturf but as I ran the vacuum cleaner over it more dirt was shooting out the front of the vacuum than was going into it. At that point I asked Dave if I could go ahead and pull some of the bad stuff out. He said SURE...SO I KINDA WENT A LITTLE CRAZY! LOL! I was pulling walls and carpet out and he was trying to keep up putting everything in trash bags. Oh man it was nasty! I need to go buy a GOOD respirator and bring home some safety goggles before I start working on the next round of demolition.

Oh and the best part. The guy had another trailer that was sitting under a tarp that we got to take a look at. It was in MUCH BETTER SHAPE. It's VERY CUTE, only has a small leak that will be easy to repair and he is going to let us have it FOR FREE! We will go and pick it up next weekend.

Idiot....

My deadbeat ho-dog of a brother just irritates me like no other person I know. And I've met some really annoying people in my time.

He's been married 4 times (we think, it's hard to keep track of the ones he actually marries). His first marriage lasted all of 2 weeks. Nice church wedding and all the fixins. He was screwing around on her and she left. Big shocker.

The next wife was really young. Barely 18. Got married because she was pregnant but she was pretty nice. They had a little girl which I don't get to see very much but she is a HOOT! Of course he was screwing around on that wife too.

Same scenario with the next two although this last one, Quatro, has managed to stick around despite being treated like sh** by him. But then again she is a royal pinched faced wench (and just like my mother which is downright creepy) so they are probably made for each other.

Ok, so back to why I'm feeling the need to rant about that dumbass.

His little girl is nothing more than a pawn, a bargining chip to him. She is the most adorable, fearless, outgoing little girl and he refuses to pay any of her daycare expenses just because he wants the Mother to drive over an hour each way so little J can attend school where HE lives and it's probably the worst school in the state. Over half of their Sr class didn't graduate last year! Yeah, that is where I would want my child to go to school! NOT!

I can't even count the times he has refused to return J to her Mother after his vistation is up JUST SO HE DOESN'T have to pay child support. Yeah, I've heard that crap come straight from him.

REALLY?!?!?!

He pisses me off so much that I regularly have dreams of beating the crap out of him.

So I have made a decision.

Let him be a jackass.

Let him treat his little girl however he wants but I will do what I can to make sure there is money for her daycare expenses.

I will never EVERY understand why parents punish their children for their own poor choices in life.

How could you do that to this sweet little face?

It may not be a lot of money but I feel moved to start doing this. Much more productive than kicking his ass.

A new project....

We are driving to the middle of nowhere tomorrow morning to pick up our new old trailer. We've been using a teardrop for almost 2 years and love it but there ARE times that it would be nice to wake up in the middle of the night and have your own bathroom to use instead of

1.) having to find your shoes in the dark
2.) make sure you are appropriately dressed
3.) walk 1/4 mile to the bath house just to find that they are out of toilet paper
4.) walk 1/4 mile BACK to the trailer
5.) try to find the toilet paper in the dark while not waking up your spouse (can't do it)
6.) walk 1/4 mile to the bathhouse AGAIN
7.) walking to the trailer and realize it's 3 am and you chances of going back to sleep are slim

Yeah, you think I'm kidding dontcha. Nope. Done it more than once. ~sigh~

This little number is supposed to have a bathroom, a kitchenette and sleeps 5! I guess that is a bit of a step up. Dave and I are both excited about fixing the new addition up. We found it on craigslist and bought it sight unseen so I'm hoping its in almost as good a shape as the guy says.

Next project is a little piece of land near the lake...

The reason I didn't try to have children until now....

I grew up in a house where the mother screamed at us every day from the minutes SHE woke up until the minute SHE went to bed.
I spent most of my childhood running away from home to whatever safe haven I could find. Mostly it was riding my rusty little old bike to our nearest neighbor's house where I would pester poor Florence all afternoon until she got the phone call to send me home for supper. That woman was a saint and must have known how horrible it was at home for me.
I ran across a video today that gave me chills it was so much like my childhood....well...except for the obnoxious teenager that was egging his mother on. Most of the time we just tried to avoid that woman period. Listen to it....that is the kind of reaction we got when we didn't load the dishwasher correctly, when the laundry wasn't folded perfectly. Hell, even when I cleaned her house one day that was how she reacted. Every conversation with her until I was in my late 20's ended with her screaming at me and telling me she wished I was "dead and in hell".
For years and years I was terrified every day that if I had children I would treat them the way she treated us and especially me. It's taken me a VERY LONG TIME to know I won't.